i'm the thickest 76 year old alive :pray:

[1/18/2025]

life is still awesome and i'm doing good besides the fact that i have like NO MONEY AT ALL and work has been STRESSFUL ASF

literally what the fuck even is being an adult in america because holy shit i think i want to die soon. but also it's like... girl whatever sit ur ass down it's not even that big of a deal fucking YOUTUBE and INSTANT RAMEN exist who cares.

everyone is a bad person. i keep getting distracted from typing because i have one of those corny "THIS GUY IS A MAJOR PREDATOR" videos playing in the background but its about the developer of "bad parenting" (an actually really good indie horror game i played from itch.io) and they actually are a bad person and it's just unfair like im so sick of it

i think about all of the bad things i've done, and while everything i had done wasn't anywhere near the predator shit these guys do, it's entertaining to imagine myself in these videos. "MOLDONDOG is a PONY FART LOVING DEGENERATE..."

it's why i made that backup account into a hate account for myself, i know it's like super corny and egotistical of me or whatever according to the two weirdos who dm'ed me about it but i thought it was funny. i fucking love farts sometimes *brap* and it's fun to make fun of myself for it, i don't like to think of it as self deprecating because i do realize it's weird and also funny but its not something i feel the need to change so why bother. who cares? i don't. everything is meaningless!

i'm like super high rn and i can't think of a next topic.

holy shit i forgot to tell you guys i got married to princess celestia!!!!!!!!!

sooo it all started out with a dream...

i was watching a lot of mlp and sometimes i obsess on very minute details or characters or ideas or (especially considering the brony fandom) fanfiction and specifically i fell back down a princess molestia rabbit hole. i created a ton of headcanons and delved into a ton of weird tumblr asks and blogs and fanart that eventually i was thinking about this horse pretty much every day for about 2 weeks.

i think it was also mixed in with nostalgia because when i was younger i very heavily selfshipped with pinkamena, a character who was also kind of problematic especially when you lookat that weird pedophilic version of her from the tumblr ask blog where she kissed scootaloo or whatever the fuck idk i loved it. it was so fucked up now it kind of makes me sick when i look back at it but its nostalgic nonetheless. i had a terrible childhood loooooooooooooooool

edit: rewatching the dub of the ask pinkamena explicitly says it "has to be a platonic kiss because tumblr will get mad at me" but like you can't kiss a child like THIS like it's a normal thing to do lol

i could care less about what lolicons and cub enjoyers do on their freetime but it significantly fucked me up seeing this as a child

anyways i have a lot of fauxcest fantasies about princess celestia which is getting into oversharing territory but i don't care i love her and she is my wife. we got married on december 17th of last year ('24)

i will make art of us once i can push all of these commissions out...

anyways. i think... thats all i have to say for nowwww..... i[m going to goon to princess celestia entries on the popular nsfw furry forum e621 and brony forum derpibooru!

bye

it;s been a loooong day,,,, without you my friend....

[1/13/2025]

guys.. i've.... gotten better. life actually is okay sometimes.

i don't mean to be a super dramatic anime girl rn but lately ive felt emotions. i've loved myself. i stopped interacting with fucking weird ass niggas and started feeling comfortable in my isolation. sometimes... people aren't my thing. it's the dog girls and the aliens on the internet that are my thing.

regarding missouri, i um. restarted. i swear im gonna be 58 by the time its finished. i have so much passion for this project though, and i'm actually renaming it from missouri because the setting in missouri isn't what i'm trying to convey anymore. i want hoko to land in the midst of illinois' strange forests. i remember as a child easily losing myself within those midwestern trees, and i feel having hoko landing in my childhood hometown will be very signifying of my life. missouri, or whatever i plan on naming it next, is about my sense of maturity and learning what life really is. i'm still learning, i don't think you ever do stop learning about life.

ahem... smooth transition. next topic:

chat.... i met a boy....

iiiiii don't know if i had talked to you guys about my... "adjustments" within my sexuality but i have finally started identifying as gaybian. i've always struggled with processing my identity and being criticized for my identity to the point that now i just don't really care anymore. i am gaybian inherently because i am bigender. i am both. i do also identify as bisexual because i think it fits me as well.

anyways the cute guy

i had only started talking to him because i saw he was also subscribed to brad taste in music (so cringey i know im sorry) but after getting to know him i. realy. started liking him.

it made me entirely question my sexuality after identifying as a lesbian for so long and after being scared of men for so long, but he was so comforting. we've already had mishaps between us but after fully communicating through those things we've started making it work.

i also met another person on the internet who i've really gained a liking to. they're a cute trans pokemon nerd and thehy're kind of litereally me, i love them with my entire heart. even if we weren't romantic with each other i feell like our friendship would still be bountiful. i really love them and the time i've spent with them. we actually first met after i watched them play goat simulator lol... (dweeb)(i love you)

it's.... interesting because after leaving people that made me feel fake and crying over friendships that were onesided, and finally learning how to love myself, i've met some really cool people who i kind of feel actually... like me for my personality. i don't feel annoying around either of them. i don't feel weird, i don't feel like i'm hiding some sort of degeneracy or part of my character from them. it's honest. it's mutual. there is no dedication, only love for one another. love doesn't have to be a lifelong dedication. love changes too.

weird tangent sorry.

i think that's all i have to say for now. we'll see where my life is at when i update you next time. thank you for reading this, strange internet dweller. i love you for being unconditionally you.

ill pretend to be normal for a second

[5/22/2024]

this past week has been ABSOLUTE. HELL.

the area i live in texas got hit by a crazy storm and i think a tornado but idk it destroyed peoples houses and knocked the power out. some neighborhoods are still out of power and it's been almost a week now.

my mom also had to go to the hospital so i was taking care of everything all weekend since my little brother is lazy as hell. she's okay though, she's recovering well.

and THEN on top of all of that my job has been completely out of stock on food because people have been without power (no power=no fridge=food bad) and yeah i feel significant knowing i'm feeding these families but god damn the rude customers make me want to fucking die. like jesus christ you're 56 years old and you're bullying a bunch of teenagers and young adults because you're life is fucking sad and depressing. most of the rude customers are stuck up and rich and probably have power but are just there to get an ice cream and it's like if you really wanted an ice cream cone that bad but didn't want to deal with all of the single mothers ordering food for their kids then maayyybeee you should of just bought some shit from the store. go home.

"omg you should be respecting your elders" i don't give a fuck when most of these miserable fucks are the reason why i can't even live paycheck to paycheck. free palestine, stop caring about rich old people.

anyways, life has been pretty hectic but i've been settling down lately.

missouri is going very well, we're only on chapter 3 of part 1 BUT HEY it's nice to kinda... meet my characters in a way? my writing style is so much more mature and developed compared to when i first started writing missouri. it makes me feel very motivated to continue.

does any of that matter though? i ask myself that a lot. i've put so much effort and love and creation into missouri and it still feels so insignificant and miniscule. in my head it's absolutely massive, it takes up my entire life. sometimes missouri is my reason not to kill myself. so in a way, even if it is just a small web series, it's still worth it in the end.

anyways, i think it's time for me to go. this entry was pretty long. keep creating things my lovelies. bark at your mom. captain mold forever.

i'm not depressed anymore

[5/4/2024]

i stopped feeling so weird.

have you guys been keeping up with the whole drake vs kendrick beef? that shit is insane, a significant moment in rap history. it feels really good to see drake get bodied because i've always been a hater. and not only that but hes getting bodied by KENDRICK LAMAR. and kendrick fans just got like what 3 new fire ass songs out of no where. i hope the beef never ends lol

i've been thinking about my dad a lot lately, ironically during the iconic dropping of drakes secret daughter or some shit. anyways it's uhh. weird. sometimes my feelings actually get hurt when i think about my dad. i had to work on easter so he said he "might" come over the day after while i babysat but he never did. sometimes it feels like we'll never truly bond because he was just never a part of my life up until i had to move to texas. which is... weird to me. it took me to be 17 fucking years old and move to texas for him to finally want to be in my life. and it wasn't like he couldn't be a part of my life when i was in illinois it's just that he wasn't. he didn't really care. the last time i talked to him before all of that, i was only 7 or 8 years old. he just stopped visiting me after a while. it was heart-breaking because i loved my dad. i still do love my dad but now i don't really know why. it hurts to admit but i don't really know my dad, or my brothers, or my sisters. i don't know any of the family on this side. when i tried to kill myself last september my mom just threw me to him and it was horrible because it felt like i didn't know any of them. and they were trying to comfort me but i felt like a bother. i can't tell anyone that though.

i see other girls with their dads and i feel a stinging envy in my chest. what if my dad had stayed home in illinois, what if he'd taken care of me and raised me and showed me how a man was supposed to treat me. i don't like blaming him for everything, but things could've turned out so much more differently if he had actually been in my life. i don't really know though.

i don't let myself get too affected by my dad. i won't. i'm happy i'm the person i am today because i'm aware of who my dad really is. he told me i could ask him any questions i wanted to, but i don't need to. i know who he really is. actions have spoken so much louder than any bs excuse he'd give me.

pretty girls hate their dads.

my first ever blog entry :3

[5/2/2024]

making my own neocities has been very fun but i've been terminally hooked to my laptop and it's kind of scary. i just recently got this laptop since it's been a few years since my last one broke, and i knew i'd be on it a lot but now it's like i can't stop thinking about the world wide web when i'm away from it. last night i had a dream that i was trapped inside of the internet and it really scared me. i've been feeling like lain lately, and it's dizzying. it makes my body feel sick. i want to get up and go outside again so i think i'll do that tomorrow before work.

i don't want my first blog entry to be super sad and depressing but that's how i've been feeling these past few days. i'm a pretty lonely person, and now i'm talking to a bunch of code. it's okay though, things will get better. they always do.

i've been obsessed with horror games lately, specifically obscure roblox horror. p.0s demo is a really fascinating roblox horror game that i played last night.

i don't really know what else to talk about here tbh, kind of a bummer first entry but i'll get used to it with time - ~ - ,,

i plan on making an about me webpage next, and then it'll be the MISSOURI hosting site where all of the parts will be uploaded. EXCITED FOR THAT!!!

i don't think anyone is ever gonna care about MISSOURI as much as i do but that's okay too.

anyways, i should probably get some sleep now. my head hurts.

i love you invisible internet people. i've got something good for this world on its way, i promise.