jeff headcanons (before you get into the fics)

these are literally for my own enjoyment don't bash me for any of them. okay thanks!

• don't leave him on read for your own sake.
• hypersexual at his own disadvantage.
• "good girl"/"good boy"
• alcohol > weed
• will probably cheat on you. (sorry)
• you wouldn't believe it but he has anxiety tics.
• brutal nightmares almost every night.
• 5'7". 8 inches.
• only ever brings one knife to his tasks (over dual wielding), but he has a large collection of blades.
• sadomasochist. no i'm not. yes he is don't listen to him.
• captain mold is a fat retard and she's a whore DUDE?
• jeff told me one time when he was really drunk that he moans when he wipes his ass lol. that's not funny.
• "baby girl" but only towards me... now she's being sweet for no reason.
• i play cod. Do you guys play cod. or borderlands. jeff this is my bloShut the fuck up do you guys play doom
• sigh. jeff plays cod, chat.
• he's also a fucking asshole if you couldn't tell by now.
• i love him a lot.
• now he won't talk because he's embarrassed.
• She's lying.
• he also only ever uses she/her pronouns on me because he doesn't like the thought of me being bigender. which makes him half gay. i'm not gay i'm not gay i'm not gay i'm not i only called her a good boy one time i'm not g